AN ODE TO ADOLESCENCE
Reality Television
My son is 12. He turns 13 this year. He’s got his own phone. He asked me for Snapchat last week and I said no way. He’s not on FB or Insta but he’s on YouTube and he chats with his mates online or Messenger Kids. He’s sweet, he’s chatty, he’s polite, he’s confident but not too confident, Football is Life, he’s got the best posse of mates, he gives the best hugs and he tells me he loves me most days.
A weird way to start a newsletter which mostly talks film and TV but stick with me here.
My oft-mentioned great mate Dan Rutledge messaged me last night. Usually he hits me up to make sure I’m bingeing what he’s bingeing and this time was no exception - it was a show on Netflix that the entire planet is talking about called Adolescence.
Pardon my txt cussing, this show broke me.
Jamie the lead character, a 13 year old boy who looks a lot my son; skinny, freckles, cute as hell, is arrested in the opening minutes and accused of stabbing a girl to death. Police storm his suburban home, he’s taken away sobbing and calling for his dad. It was confronting, shocking, horrifying, and I couldn’t look away. Could a child commit a murder like this? Is he guilty? If he’s not who is?
But this show isn’t about the who, it’s about THE WHY.
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The irony that I’ve shared this video from TikTok is not lost on me.
While I watched the four one hour eps of this show it slowly got dark outside, Max arrived home from his best mate’s house after an after school bus trip to the mall. I asked him if he needed any more dinner and he said nah but was it ok if he played online for an hour before bed and I said sweet-as, because as any solo mum knows, evenings are busy and any window to get stuff done before school and work the next day is gold. In this case, I wasn’t getting stuff ready for school. While Max was online gaming and chatting with mates I was watching a show about a 13 year old kid whose entire personality and life is moulded and upended in the most devastating of ways by a world dominated by a life spent online.
Who is complicit??? I AM. We ALL are.
What are our kids watching, who are they listening to, how are they talking to each other, how are the boys talking to girls, what are they being told by the Andrew Tates of this world and are they not just listening to it but acting on it? Are they being bullied and are they bullying others to restore the balance, and are the boys we are growing being parented online by men they’ve never met to become the men nightmares are made of?
Dear god, I sound unhinged, but honestly? I feel a little that way.
I feel entirely depleted this morning. I’m asking myself the question, should I ask Max to watch this show with me? Netflix tells me it’s R13 for “Offensive Language and Violence” but neither of those issues are as impactful as the themes, the content and message itself. It feels so necessary, these conversations with our boys, our kids, they are so hard to have. Is simply allowing potent storytelling to drive these messages home the best way to convey them, is that the best kind of parenting? Or is this simply too harrowing for a 12 year old to handle?
I’m too shattered today to look for answers to those questions. If you’ve seen this show, if you have kids, or you’re close to your friend’s kids, or nieces, nephews, mates, what would you do? Is it enough for just us as caregivers to watch it? Please let me know, I’m so lost.
Alongside the narrative - and it could seem almost reductive to now talk about the way this show was written and shot - but I promise you it’s not. Each one hour episode, four in total, is shot in one single camera take - a “oner”. An incredible feat of fearless “filmmaking” (and make no mistake, this Netflix show in 100% cinematic). Each EP focusses on four distinct POVs, the flawless performances are unleashed upon us raw, unedited, unflinching and without the constraints and freedom of an edit. It can be unbearable. It should be. This choice elevated the story to entirely new levels, and from a technical perspective is so incredible to witness.
Young British actor Owen Cooper who plays Jamie is astonishing. Essentially an entire episode spent in one room with a court-assigned therapist, one single revolving camera-shot? His performance and that of Erin Doherty - MIND-BLOWING.
But Stephen Graham, the co-creator, co-writer and playing Jamie’s dad Eddie, just line this man up for all the awards and a goddam knighthood. With the perfect on-screen parenting foil of a heartbreaking powerhouse performance from Christine Tremarco, Graham is transcendent.
It seems weird to beg you all to spend 4 hours this weekend putting yourself through what is clearly light years away from a romcom!! But this one is special, it has the power to fan the flames of real change and not just within the privacy of our homes and families, but real social, educational and political change.
Clearly this show is a Five Star watch and clearly this conversation is an important one. I’m also now ready for a cup of tea and a lie down and probably so are you! This has been quite the emotional vent and I feel like I should apologise for that - back to usual Projector programming next week I promise ;) In fact - thank your lucky stars this rant has meant no time left to review the objectively awful and entirely cringeworthily tedious Snow White which I watched so you don’t have to. Maybe if you have diehard Snow White 5 and unders in your house it’s worth the ticket price but barely.
Meantime - I’d love to keep this Adolescence conversation going - feel free to share this Projector around too if you feel the same way and please let me know any of your own thoughts and feelings around this.
Farewell for now FilmFam, go hug your kids, I know I will be.
KRxx
I’m a father of twin 7 year old boys, and my wife turned this show on randomly while we were getting ready for a day out on holiday.
Within minutes, we were sitting there transfixed, and a few minutes later I was in full “trying to stifle sobs” mode. “Adolescence” touches on so many themes and ideas that terrify me, especially while living in America.
The manosphere is a cancer. A blight. It spreads like wildfire, and can take root even in sweet, big hearted kids. I just can’t. I’m even struggling for words writing this comment.
That acting is about as fan-fucking-tastic as I’ve ever seen on any streaming app. That is no exaggeration. I highly recommend watching it, and Kate nails it with this article.
This was 'on the list'. It will now move higher up the list so be a watch on Sunday. As a parent I installed software on our home network and kid's phones. That allowed management and reporting - until they were 16. So say for 3 to 4 years. During that time we had lots of conversations over dinner.